the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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