Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
