I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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