Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
