I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
