would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!