At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!