my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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