so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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