Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize