Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Enjoy the penises
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
