You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
