After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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