All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
