In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
