Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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