We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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