She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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