I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
