So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
