he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
