I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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