think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
