dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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