I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
