im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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