he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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