Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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