Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love having hate sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
