it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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