Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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