he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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