I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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