I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
