Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
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My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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