I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
