I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yo dont text me then not text me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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