yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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