What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
