I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Life is so much better after having sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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