My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
