So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's always time for handjobs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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