you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
