So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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