just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
