do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
