Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
