well I can't set my house on fire every night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
