Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize