Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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