He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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