shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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