Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
