her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
