Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
