somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
