my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am spending my child support on dildos
My pussy is not your playground.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
