The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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