thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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