I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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