guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
