you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
