oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
