i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
