I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
