3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
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So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize