Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
