He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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