hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
