the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
