I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
