awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
