i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
