Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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