Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
