He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
