i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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