It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
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Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize