drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
