Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
