couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
