I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
