She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
