how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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